Freak

Last Thursday morning, I awoke with a stiff neck. Must have slept on it crooked, I thought. I popped a couple of ibuprofen and went on with my day.

That night, after a domestic evening of homework, laundry and dinner with the kids, I was online with Dacia and complaining of a sore throat. There’s something going around, she pointed out. No surprise you picked it up, slut.

I turned in to bed sometime around one.

I awoke at six with a brutal sore throat and a fever. Bad day for this, I thought, as I lay sweating in the sheets. I had to get the kids to school, and Jason had a high school admissions test in a couple of hours.

Best get up, get the kids to school, and try to get to a doctor before I need to pick them up again after school. I stumbled to the bathroom. That’s when I saw it.

The right side of my neck was bloated to several times its normal size. I looked like a bullfrog holding its breath.

I felt queasy, and sat on the toilet, waiting to see if I would vomit. I rested my head on the side of the tub. That felt cool. Okay, I’m not sick. I just look weird.

I examined my neck in the mirror. I had never seen anything like that, but I felt all right—I could still get the kids to school. But what if I was nauseous again? Would I throw up in the cab, all over the children?

I called Lucy. She agreed to pick up the kids. She was worried: I’m never sick, and certainly never so sick that I am unable to take the kids to school.

I woke the kids, making note that, yes, Dad looks a little odd today because he’s sick, but Mom would be here soon to take them to school. I would go to the doctor and I would be fine, and say, be sure to wear a sweater, it’s cold out there!

“Whoa, your neck is freaky,” Jason exclaimed, his eyes fixed on me.

“Dad, I’m scared about it,” Collie whined, in his faux crybaby voice. Lillie sucked her thumb as I dressed her.

“I know, it is strange,” I said, calmly buttoning Lillie’s pants. “But I will go to the doctor and get medicine so it will get better.”

The kids were dressed and breakfasted when Lucy arrived. She blanched when she saw me. Forget the doctor, she told me. Get your coat and go to the emergency room.

That seemed like an overreaction, but I agreed to do it. I kind of had to—I couldn’t shake my head to disagree.

Lucy took the kids to school. I took a shower before going to the hospital. As the water streamed over my head, it cascaded around the neck that had so become so suddenly engorged overnight, in just a few hours.

I thought: please don’t let this be about my heart or about sex.