Readers' Queries

A note from a faithful reader has slipped over the transom.

Jefferson,

I know I'm going out on a limb here, but I have a teeny problem and, after salivating over your blog, I'm thinking you might be just the right guy to help me out.

I'm a twenty-four-year-old lesbian, born and raised in Kentucky, and I've been in a monogamous relationship with a lovely woman for about nine months.

I don't want to bore you with back story, so here is the deal: My girl loves it (as do I) when I eat her pussy while fucking her g-spot hard with three or four fingers. From what I've read, you seem to be a pro at this.

How do you breathe? What position works best? I try to breathe through my nose, but after a few minutes, my girl usually grabs handfuls of my hair and smothers me in pussy.

I mean, I love it and I am not complaining, but I know I could do better if I could go a little longer without getting oxygen deprived.

If you have any advice or the time to give it, I would really appreciate it.

I stumbled upon your blog through Fleshbot and I'm hooked. I'm making my way through the archives now and I keep coming across things I want to try or need to try again. I'm going to have to get a notebook pretty soon.

Thanks so much,
Alex

Get the notebook ready, Alex.

I’m no sex advice writer (I leave that to the pros, such as the incomparable Ask Ellen). But I am always happy to share lessons learned through experience.

And as you surmise, I have acquired a fair amount of schooling in pussy licking.

But before I address your specific concerns, may I just borrow a page from my friend Dacia, who is continuously impressed by her own awesomeness?

How awesome am I that young lesbians come to me for advice on muff diving?

Let me just savor that moment . . .

Okay, back to you, Alex.

My friend, you have what my mama would call a “happy problem.”

You have a sweet relationship with a lovely woman to whom you supply some rocking good loving.

You simply want to avoid asphyxiation when you deliver the goods.

One solution would be to tell your girlfriend that while she may enjoy fucking your face as she climaxes, her hair-grabbing habit has the unfortunate side effect of smothering the object of her affections.

This is uncomfortable and cuts short your abilities to give her what she wants.

She could simply refrain from doing this.

That’s one solution, but I don’t think it is the right one for you. As you write, you enjoy being forced to take a face full of sweet stuff. It turns you on to get her so worked up.

You want your lover in that delirium.

So in order to help her let go, you need to stay alert at the helm, ready to keep breathing when she goes for the hair.

There are a few things you may want to try.

Prepare a landing pad.

With your free hand—the one you don’t have stuffed in her cooch—press firmly and gently down on the flesh just above her pubic bone. The pressure should be directed in and down.

Visualize that your hands are pressing toward one another through her body.

You may want to use the pressure of four extended fingers or the flat butt of your lower palm. I often use the flat surface formed by the second knuckles when folding the fingers toward the palm—in karate, the technique of kaiko ken zuki, or “crab-shell fist.”

This can have two good effects.

First, as the external pressure makes contact with the internal pressure on her g spot, you may add to her pleasure.

Second, your hand is in place to prepare a landing pad for your nose.

When she goes for the hair, flatten your hand on her flesh and press down. Aim your nose to the back of your hand—this should prevent her flesh from blocking your nostrils.

Alternate the position of your face.

Rather than allowing her to push your face down, counter by moving your jaw forward and your head back. You can still keep your mouth firmly on her clit, while raising your nose clear of her skin, as she holds your head to her.

Alternate your breathing technique.

Chances are that where your mouth is concerned, she is responding to the sensation of your tongue on her clit.

You can keep that going without maintaining suction with your lips.

If you extend your tongue and retract your lips, you can pant through your mouth as you lick her.

Alternate her position.

You don’t mention what position your girlfriend is in when you whip her into a hair-grabbing frenzy. You may want to try switching that up to see if another position is more comfortable.

When she is on her back, try lifting her legs up and back over her body. She can hold them in place, or you can rest your forearm on the backs of her thighs.

(At my place, I keep assistants around to help with this. Rope also comes in mighty handy when someone should be kept firmly in position.)

This position allows gravity to flatten the playing field, pushing her pussy forward and her belly back. You may find yourself with a much more breathing room.

Make her wait.

You write that “after a few minutes” of working your girlfriend, she pulls you in for a sound face fucking.

But what if you made her wait for it? What if you pulled your head back and denied her the full throw down she craves?

This may be a new twist, as you counter her demand. That in itself can be hot.

On a practical level, it allows you more time with unobstructed breathing, and reserves the thing you know she loves until you are both ready for the money shot.

Rehearse!

Try out these and other techniques at a time when you aren’t in the throes of passion.

Besides offering opportunities for just plain fun, rehearsals allow time to communicate and discuss what works, what doesn’t work, and why.

The next time you go at it—very likely, immediately after rehearsing—you will both have a clearer idea of what the other needs.

Get back to me!

I hope these few thoughts are useful, Alex. Let us know how things progress; we hate to think of you drowning in your lover’s pussy.

Readers, I answered Alex’s query here so that you could pitch in your suggestions in the comments below.

And readers, feel free to drop me a line when you like. You don’t need to drench it in compliments, as Alex did—but you know, it never hurts to play to vanity.

sex
sexblogs
bisexuality
lesbian
oral sex
sex advice