Jitters

Jimmy always says he will be early. He is always late.

This gives me a little more time to pick up toys and laundry, sweep up crumbs and make the beds with sex sheets.

Lucy picked up the kids a couple of hours ago.

It is the evening of the first of the week’s two orgies.

Jimmy organizes everything for the male party. I co-host, an easy enough responsibility provided that I can get the apartment clean in a timely fashion once the kids are gone.

I scrub the blue toothpaste from the bathroom sink, stuff coloring books and Hello Kitty stickers into cabinets, and wash cereal bowls. I have an arm full of stuffed animals when Jimmy arrives.

“Hello, love,” he air kisses me. “Sorry I’m late. It’s just that ferry from friggin’ Staten Island. I just missed one and had to wait fifteen minutes for the next . . .”

“No worries,” I assure him, as he begins to unpack his bags. He has brought sodas, condoms, lube and the garbage bags he will issue for the safekeeping of each man’s belongings. “I’m going to finish tidying.”

“Go, go, I’m fine, I’m fine . . . just need to make some calls . . .”

The apartment is sufficiently presentable. I put out condoms and candles, load up the CD player, make a last tour. I replace the toilet paper with a fresh roll. Done.

As the men arrive, Jimmy checks them off his list. Their clothes go into assigned bags which are labeled and sealed.

It’s my place, so I don’t check my clothes. I am soon sitting in my living room in jeans and a black t-shirt, making small talk with a handful of naked men.

The days are longer now, so the sun has still not set. The apartment is filled with light.

The first to arrive are generally the new men, the ones who have never been to one of Jimmy’s parties, if any group sex situation at all. As we talk, I try to put them at ease, letting them know what to expect, answering any questions they may have.

As I chat with a young actor, I wonder how many times have I uttered the phrase, “it’s a very relaxed atmosphere—just take things at your own pace.”

I am relieved of this duty as the regulars arrive. They undress while chatting, like friends meeting after work in a gym locker room. They smile at the new men on my couch as they stroll nude to my bedroom.

I sat on a kitchen counter talking with Jimmy as he processed Phil. He’s a tall well-built man in his late twenties, with close-cropped hair, goatee and glasses, the sort of fellow who gets the once-over on Eighth Avenue. He’s new to Jimmy’s parties.

He’s as nervous as a closet case at the Chelsea Y.

“I’m really new to this, so I hope I’m not . . . you know, that everyone is cool with that.”

Jimmy looks at him blankly. “You will be fine, love. Its just a sex party.”

“Just try not to block the camera shots,” I tease.

“There are cameras?” His hands froze as he unraveled his tie.

“No, no, I was kidding. Kidding! Look, it’s a very relaxed atmosphere. Take things at your own pace. These guys are cool, and it is fine if you just want to watch tonight.”

“That’s okay? If I just watch?” His tie went into his bag.

“Of course. Do what you like. And if you have any questions, talk to me.”

“How will I know if anyone, you know, is interested in me?” His shirt was off, and his t-shirt joined it in the bag.

He had trimmed the hair on his massive chest. His back rippled as he bent to remove his trousers.

Is he for real?

I looked—no wedding ring.

“Honey, you are going to do just fine,” Jimmy laughs. Philip smiles warily.

“You’ll know,” I say, soothingly. “It will be in a glance”—I give him the eye—“or a touch,” as I brush his arm. I hopped of the counter and took his hand. “C’mon, I’ll show you around.”

A cluster of men stand inside the doorway of my room, gazing at one another’s eyes, roaming their hands along one another’s bodies. They smile appreciatively at Philip’s arrival.

“See, they like you,” I whisper. “You can tell, right?”

“Yeah,” Philip smiles, moving toward them. He had kept his briefs on; he now pulled his hard cock out to show to the other men.

My work here is done.

I light candles as the room slowly faded to darkness. I have porn ready to play, but this is nicer—a calm, quiet room, the stillness broken by the sounds of breathing, of mouths on flesh, of whispers followed by gentle laughs.

The young actor is getting his cock sucked; we smile at one another.

I undress. I am among the nude men.

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