Friday, May 06, 2005

Hard Candy Haiku

In the comments to the posting Rules, J hinted that she might enjoy having a rule imposed on her.

I told her she could earn a rule by writing a haiku designed to make me hot, based on themes within my blog.

This afternoon around one, she submitted the following haiku:

Brutal yet thoughtful
Boyish look; a master's mind
I long to please him


I liked this. She said it was about me, which was very sweet and an added bonus.

But was it hot enough?

I thought she could do better. I suggested she try again, and submit another by three.

Within a half hour, this was in my inbox:

My mouth. Your cock-Hard
Tasting, Licking, Sucking you
Then: white - spilling down my throat


Okay, now that is hot. And she did a good job of finding a blog theme—I do like blowjobs!

But . . . it seems too concrete for a haiku. It lacked poetry.

I told J she had one hour and fifteen minutes remaining to try again.

I soon had this missive:

I was bad, you said
You slap me. Hard. Then again.
I cry - yet crave more


Bingo. It’s hot, it’s haiku, and it responds to a blog theme.

J has earned a rule.

We have never met, but we agree it might be nice to meet.

I also know that she is striving to give better blowjobs.

So we need a rule that is about desire (as we would like to meet) and gratification (as perhaps we will). All the better if the rule is centered on her mouth.

J, on Tuesday of next week, you will crave hard candies, such as peppermint and butterscotch. You will say to people, “Wow, I could really go for a hard candy.”

If you are offered any, you will put it in your pocket. If anyone is off to do errands, ask them to pick up hard candies for you.

You may want to stop at a bank to collect their hard candies. If none are available, you will ask the teller where they are.

If you put gas in your car, ask the clerk if hard candies are for sale.

If you go to a restaurant that has hard candies by the cashier, take more than you should.

Under no circumstances are you to eat a hard candy on Tuesday.

On Wednesday, I want your mouth busy with hard candies. When one is gone, pop another. If you work at a desk, have a bowl to share. Offer them to people, saying, “I love me some hard candy!”

When you are alone, driving or what have you, stuff a few in your mouth.

Keep count of how many you consume on Wednesday.

I want a full report of what transpires in my inbox by close of business Thursday.

sex
sexblogs
haiku
hard candy
discipline

15 comments:

Jenny said...

Oh wow...what have I gotten myself into? I can't believe you put all three of my lame attempts at erotic haiku on your site. I feel very honored. And it made me blush - a lot to see it.

Thank you Jefferson - you have put much more time and thought into this than I ever expected.

I heartily accept your challenge and will complete my task with much pleasure next week.

And I also should add that sugar makes me crazy - so Wednesday should be a very interesting day.

You are a very cool and interesting man, Jefferson.

Jen

Unknown said...

I LOVE ME SOME HARD CNADY!!

oh for fuck sakes that almost had me falling out of my chair!...i would go around downtown saying that to random people just for shits and giggles!!..BWAHAHAHA

you crack me up duder

Jefferson said...

Be careful, Rejected, or else you may find yourself . . .

Oh wait, that's how I got into this with J.

Be careful, Jefferson.

Meg said...

guess what...

mitzi said she adores me.

i'm having so much fun with my new blog!

Jefferson said...

Well, that's our Mitzi . . . always trolling my blog for the easy girls.

And your blog has had a very good day!

Meg said...

yes, it has. i can't seem to keep up.

Anonymous said...

Oh Mr. J., twas more then Miss. Meg's taste for naughtieness that lured me to her once and again. Don'tcha listen to a thing he says Meg!

Anonymous said...

gorgeous. these are truly rules to live by.

Unknown said...

warn me will ya..*shakes a fist*...give me a rule then...i DARE ya

Jefferson said...

You dare me? You dare me? Why I oughtta . . .

Oh wait. Nice try, Rejected.

You know you must earn a rule.

Jefferson said...

Maggie,

I don't believe your blog allows comments, so I'll tell you here: nice writing!

J

Jenny said...

Maggie,

I don't want to load up Jefferson's comment space with comments about your blog - but I wanted to tell you that I really like your writing too. I look forward to reading more.

And...

Blow jobs in the car in the parking lots of bars outside of your marriage...we are definitely kindred spirits.

Jen

Jefferson said...

If Jen's comment doesn't cause a stampede to corner of the blogosphere . . . well, then y'all have stronger constitutions than most.

Viviane said...

Looks like Maggie's blog's a worthy addition to the blogroll.

Jefferson said...

Whatever Maggie wants . . .