What If

Marcus called as I was approaching the security check on my way to the gate.

“Can you talk? Do you have a minute?”

“I will in a few, once I get past security. I’ll call you back in a sec.” I hung up and dropped my phone, shoes and belt into a plastic tray. All were x-rayed as I crossed through the metal detector.

The phone was ringing as it came out of the scanner.

“Marcus?”

“What did you say?”

“I said I would call you back. Can you give me a moment to get my shoes on?” I closed the phone. I slipped on my shoes, put my belt through its loops, put on my jacket, and hoisted my bag to my shoulder.

The phone rang.

“Marcus . . .”

“Why do you keep hanging up on me?”

“Marcus, I’m not hanging up on you, I’m . . . oh, fuck it, let’s talk.”

“Is now a good time?”

“As good as any, until my plane leaves.”

“Okay, good. So what did you think?”

“Wow, it was pretty amazing Marcus. I mean, you saw what it was like when you were there . . .”

“And that was okay? You’re sure I wasn’t interfering, or being too intense, or . . .”

“You were fine, Marcus. She thought so too. We talked about it a lot today.”

“You did? What did she say about me?”

“She likes it that you and I are so loving with one another. And she thought that we are one hot threesome.”

“We are. But that’s about us. What did she say about me?”

“About you specifically? Oh, I don’t know . . . she thought you were very sexy, very funny.”

“Okay, good. You know I need to make this about me! Now what about you? What are you feeling?”

“Um . . . very content, very relieved, very excited about this.”

“Where do you think it will go?”

“I have no idea. I mean, I can try to be content if this was a unique encounter, or if we meet every now and then, as time and money allow . . .”

“But is that what you want?”

“Well, no, I don’t want it to be a unique event. I want to see more of her, you know, in the flesh, not just on web cams. If we lived in the same town, we would definitely be dating. No question.”

“Do you see a future with her?”

“You mean a ‘future’ future? Marcus, it’s premature to even think along those lines.

“But of course, I have been.

“I mean, yes, it is conceivable that we could wind up together. I mean, logistically conceivable. I can’t leave New York, as my kids need to be near their mother. She likes living where she lives, but she is not bound there by a custody agreement. So if it came to that, I suppose, yes, it might be possible for us to be together if she could move to New York with her kids. In theory.”

“Is that what you want?”

“What I want is to be able to process my thoughts about this weekend without you asking me to make wedding arrangements, please.”

“I’d be the best man, though, right?”

“Yes, and we’d take you on the honeymoon too.”

“Of course! I know you don’t know much now, I just wanted to see what kind of future you see.”

“I see myself getting on to a plane in twenty minutes. Beyond that, who knows?”

“Now, here’s my follow up. Let me ask you something.”

“Yes?”

“What happens if I fall in love with her first?”

“Marcus . . .”

“Now, hear me out. You know, you don’t meet someone like her very often. I know I don’t. She is really unique.”

“That she is. But sweetie, you’ve only known her for twenty-four hours!”

“Well, forty eight, since I left you guys yesterday. Plus the time I spent reading her blog, I think you have to count that.

“All in all, it was a pretty intense immersion, and it just felt so comfortable, right from the beginning. You had had time to get to know her a bit, and of course you and I have a long history, and that helped for the three of us to gel . . . but I don’t know, I think she and I connected as well.”

“I’m sure you did. You both hit it off really well.”

“Did that bother you?”

“No, no. I don’t mean to say that sparks flew between you like that. It’s just that you got along well, as I hoped you would. I don’t see it as a problem in my relationship with her.”

“Am I being ridiculous about being attracted to her?”

“If you weren’t attracted to her, I’d call the morgue to pick you up. Because you would have to be dead.”

“So what am I supposed to do?”

“Well, by all means, keep in touch with her. It’s cool if you have both found a new friendship in one another. But I think that after a few days, and a few cold showers, you’ll come to your senses. This was one hell of a hot weekend—I really hope we do it again. But I don’t think you are in real danger of falling in love with my online girlfriend.”

“I guess you’re right. It was one hot weekend. Thanks again for making me a part of it.”

“Thanks for coming up, honey. It was good to see you, in addition to all the fine sex.”

“You too baby. Get on your plane. I love you.”

“I love you, Marcus. Let’s talk when I’m back.”

Time for one quick call.

“Hi Madeline.”

“Hi baby. Are you on your way?”

“Almost. Just wanted to check in with you again. I can’t believe this was real.”

“It was real.”

“It was really real.”

“You said some very sweet things to me last night. I was just trying to recall them all.”

“Don’t strain your brain too much. I’ll probably repeat them at some point. I’m a little redundant at times.”

“Me too. So keep in touch as best you can when you are away.”

“I’ll do what I can, and we’ll talk more when I return.”

We paused, anticipating that we were soon back to our relationship of web cams, cell phones and blogs.

“How the hell am I going to blog this?”

“Beats me. My mind is reeling.”

We were quiet for a moment. One day, this might be the part of a conversation where we would routinely swap “I love you.” But we know better than to rush that.

She reverted to the next best thing.

“You hang up first.”

“No, you hang up first.”

“I said it first.”

“That doesn’t mean I have to do it first!”

“Yes it does. That’s how it works.”

“Okay, fine! One . . . two . . .”

Click.

Three.

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