Sunday, July 10, 2005

Casting Couch

So now you know.

When the movie of my life plays in my imagination, I’ve cast Peter Sarsgaard in the lead.

It used to be a toss up between Keanu Reeves (bofo box office) and Michelle Pfieffer (physical resemblance), but for now, I’m set on Sarsgaard—an actor who can act and looks something like me.

As added bonuses, Sarsgaard and I are the same height and we both like Corona beer—not that it matters, but it is less work for him as he “takes on” Jefferson.

He doesn’t have to fake the length of my shadow or my taste in beverages.

As I thought about that, I read an email from Jake after our most recent sex party. He dropped me a line saying he had enjoyed it, also noting that Farahnaz would make a brilliant James Bond villain, circa 1963.

She would, I thought! So beautiful, so glamorous—so deadly!

That inspired this notion.

I’m going to be largely offline for a few days. May I offer up a game to be played in my absence?

How would you cast One Life, Take Two as a movie?

You can follow my lead, and cast living actors of roughly approximate age.

You can work across generations, and cast actors of different eras.

Heck, cast anyone you like.

Just offer your justifications so we follow your logic.

I won’t color your casting ideas. Like, I won’t say why it would be a tough call for me if Christina Ricci, Tura Santana and Caroll Baker were each vying to be Shelby.

Or why I would be returning Sarah Gilbert’s calls.

My lips are sealed.

It is my life and your casting couch. Have at it.


Viviane said...

As usual, I digress. You've already picked who'd play you. I'd like to suggest that those mentioned in OLTT cast who they'd like to play themselves.

I'll start this ball rolling. I'd pick Anna May Wong (that's her portrait in my profile), the first international Asian American film star:

Your dream casting choices, please.
Madeline? Meg? Marcus? Mitzi?

Todd said...

You know, J-Man, I never thought to mention this, but I actually think you look a whole lot like Bruce Timm, a highly acclaimed comic book artist and animation director. What do the readers think?

Here's an online gallery of his work. I think everyone here will dig his retro-cheescake by way of Tinkerbell stylishness. I elect we get this guy to star as you, with the rest of us being Bruce Timm animated versions of ourselves. Then we can all look like superheros. Except most of us are naked and fucking.

Josh Jasper said...

I could be played by that semi anonymous guy on the internet.

Actualy, I'd like to be fucked... uh... played by Garrett Maggart.

Shelby said...

The role of Shelby would be played by... Rachel Leigh Cook. I've been told I look like her a few times.

This is one of those occassions i'd like to play myself though.

Todd said...


Looking good, sexy. I must agree.


PS: I, of course, will be played by the great Yaphet Kotto.

Dacia said...

Todd, I agree with the Bruce Timm casting, except Mr Timm has a superbig forehead and teeny eyes, and I think our lovely host is better proportioned.

If I can't be a naked fucking cartoon super hero, I will be played by Sarah Gilbert, fo shizzle. But she has to wear a cape.

Jefferson said...

I don't see my resemblance to Bruce Timm, but he sure does look like one of my brothers.

Maybe Dad got around.

I have been told I look like Gregg Allman, Andy Warhol, Sting and Brian Eno. Famous blondes who look nothing alike.

I can see Rachel Leigh Cook as Shelby! She will just have to, you know, pretty up for the role.

Sarah Gilbert as Dacia . . . not bad.

Mitzi said...

If we are spanning the ages, and shooting for resemblence... Many an older Gay Gentleman I have worked with has told me I remind them of Italian/Egyptian Screen Earth Mother Anna Magnani

If we are going current day Hollywood, Oh I dunno... we look nothing alike, but she is short like me, granted, I ain't as tiny as her but, we are talking Hollywood right? I think Britney Murphy could bite into the over dramatic up's and downs that seem to plauge poor Mitzi. With long soft Brown hair even better...

I guess the main point is whoever she is, she needs to have Overly sensitive Crybaby down cold.

marcus said...

i dont know who could play marcus. i would love to have a shot at it, though. i am adept at playing other roles.
which leads me to a thought... who would play rock? rocky? richard? or dave? who would play rick? rocker? david? and ron?
woops - sorry - that's MY blog.
anyway, everyone- feel free to suggest someone for marcus.

Madeline Glass said...


Honor Blackman. 1964. You know the film.


Jefferson said...

You people are good at this!

I may reach back to 1985 or so and cast Anthony Michael Hall as Thomas.

As Jake . . . a young Joe Namath? Maybe Will Smith?

Any of you folks who read the blog, but don't know us personally, have any ideas?

marcus said...

joe namath as jake- thats very good.
madeline told me via phone yesterday that i could be played by chris martin (lead singer for coldplay). but i wasnt sure - will marcus have a lot of singing roles in "Blog - The Movie"?
anyway, i still think i wanna play myself. i wanna have sex with peter sarsgaard, too! and shelby!

Mitzi said...

Anthony Michael Hall circa 1985 a Thomas

Anthony Michael Hall Present day as Jake

marcus, up for casting calls said...

i kinda see this as a major motion picture. so i am working with some well known talent here. i pushed away the idea that the actors should look like the actual people, and focused more on their ability to nail the character on-spot.

todd: christopher walken
may: lucy liu
anna: sally struthers, when she was younger... lighter... and more asian. ah yes, those were the days.
jason: davy jones, a million years ago
rachel: wynona ryder
collie: andy dick
lillie: as herself. no need for her to even memorize lines, she’ll be perfect in every scene with whatever she says!
farahnaz: cher
lucy: catherine zeta-jones
mitzi: bernadette peters
raven: janis joplin (um, do the actors have to be alive?)
meg: renee zellweger
mark: tom cruise

and just to round out the list of actors, there would still be, as previously suggested:
jefferson: peter sarsgaard
shelby: as herself (this is the only person i dont know on this list; presumptuous of me to cast her, but she casted herself, and i think that sounds pretty good)
thomas: anthony michael hall c. 1985
jake: joe namath, younger

still, no solution for myself yet.
and as for madeline - she’s a tough one. who can possibly do her justice?

final note: jefferson, you are SO much better looking than bruce timm. and just as talented, if not more so, with your hands. mmm- the way you helped me cum the other night, when todd whipped my balls - shit man, you just dont forget things like that.

Marla Jo said...

Raven played by Janis Joplin has to be the best pairing yet.


Although I'd probably only make a cameo, I'll suggest Kate Winslet ala Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. And with the Red hair.


Mitzi said...

John Hawkes as giant cocked sex party regular John

Viviane said...

Marcus: Madeline and I were kicking around the idea of David Straithern playing you:

Great character actor. Maddie likes the idea (cause I haven't met you yet).

Jefferson: If Peter Sargaard isn't available, what about Ewan McGregor's portrayal of Ed Bloom in 'Big Fish'?:

And no mentions of Nate yet. What about Daniel Sunjata (Rescue Me, Take Me Out):

Dacia said...

Christopher Walken as Todd is fucking golden.

Jefferson said...

More cow bell!

Meg said...

marcus, the suggestion of christopher walken for todd is indeed golden. as is the suggestion of andy dick for collie. i burst out laughing when i read that. and if mark is the same boy i am remembering from this past tuesday night, then i actually have someone else in mind, but he's a bit of a no name, really. he played one of jack berger's friends in sex & the city. i might have to look him up...

renee zellweger as meg...hrmm. wich renee did you have in mind - her quirky, clumsy bridget jones? her sultry but vulnerable roxy in chicago? oh geez...i have not seen a lot of her movies...oh! or how about her funloving slutty teenage gina of empire records? ("welcome to musictown, may i service you?")

if i may suggest someone for meg, i'd have to go with gillian anderson. now, hear me out on this one. everyone is used to seeing her play such severe roles, but take it from a girl who used to be ridiculously obsessed with all things gillian - she's got a very fun side to her. just watch her in old interviews (i've probably got a ton of them on vhs somewhere in my mom's house) and you'll see - she's silly and has quite the dirty mouth and she seems to get excited over little things like our dear meg does. plus, she has a great laugh and anyone who plays meg HAS to have a great laugh.

Mitzi said...

For Mark, I vote for Christain Bale or Billy Crudup...leaning more towards Christain Bale

Viviane said...

More cowbell, Jefferson?

Anonymous said...

an all star sex party movie and no one to claim Angelina Jolie...? hmmm well maybe she could play the girl who reads the blog religiously/ me...

Anonymous said...

oooo angelina... far too beautiful to be claimed by any mortal to represent their own likeness... dare we dream?

Anonymous said...

Outrageous seeming in personality... handsome, overtly sexual...

Marcus-Rupert Everett

Anonymous said...

Angelina.... Maybe too beautiful to be claimed by anyone.. but her personality is brilliant for a movie such as this. She is extraordinary not because of her mythopoeic looks, but rather that her personality is actually more striking then her beauty.

Anonymous said...

Now i'm confused. Who does Angelina play? Madeline? Shelby? Anna?

Todd said...

Me. Angelina is playing me, of course. With an eye patch and a glass bubble helmet.

Koli said...

I could see Stephen Baldwin as Jefferson, tho your profile photo could make you more of a match for a blonder Billy Baldwin.