Several days had passed since the most recent gathering. During that time I had juggled three kids, four work projects and eight sex partners.
Never mind the three butt plugs.
Mitzi called. Can we talk?
Sure, I said. Come on over.
As I waited for her to arrive, I made coffee, washed sex toys and put four loads of sheets into the wash. I worked. I had a rare morning to myself.
She smiled at the door. I took her coat and we sat on the couch.
Look Jefferson, she began, I am really enjoying getting to know you. It’s been a short time . . .
It seems like a much longer time, doesn’t it? I interrupted.
It does seem a long time, she agreed. A lot has happened, fast, and it’s been really . . . enlightening. And enjoyable. But—and I hope you don’t take this the wrong way—I am still trying to figure out what to do with all this.
How do you mean? I asked.
Well, it’s like this. I know you are fucking other people. I am fucking other people. Now we are fucking some of the same people.
True . . .
And I think about that, and I know that I have a tendency to be jealous . . . and I know that jealousy just isn’t a very appropriate response in this situation . . .
This is a very unusual situation, I agreed. I mean, I make no pretense about seeing other people. You read my blog, so you get details of that, and you attend parties where you see that with your own eyes.
And I don’t mind that, she said. Really. I accept that.
So how does jealousy come into play? I asked.
It’s just that . . . you know your posting about last Monday? Where you met Melissa, and Tevin came over, and she slept over?
Yes. You are jealous of Melissa?
Well, no, not really.
No, no. I guess I am jealous of the situation. I want to be someone you call for spontaneous things like that.
And I want to spend the night together. It makes me sad that Melissa just had that, so easily. We have slept together, and it was really nice. I like seeing you at parties, or for lunch breaks, but . . . well, I think I would like more time when it is just us, and we have time together.
I’d like that, too. I mean, you know I don’t have so many nights to offer, what with the kids . . .
I know. I appreciate that. And I know you have friends and lovers come in from out of town sometimes, which means a sleepover. But I’d like for us to make time to make that happen.
How could I refuse so sweet a request? Yes, Mitzi, I said, let’s try to make that happen.
We kissed. We made love in my fresh sheets. We made a date for later in the week.
We parted feeling that we had resolved something.
Now comes the hard part: living up to that resolution.
I fret about things that can interfere with the best of intentions.
Keep in mind that Mitzi has her own life. She does not rest at my beck and call. She has friends, rehearsals, yoga, a dog to walk—she is not always waiting by the phone.
Still, she is single and lives alone, so her time is very much her own. Whereas I have kids, which means sleepover dates are not often possible.
Just to spell things out for you, gentle reader, let’s slice up a typical month to see how that pans out in terms of dating possibilities.
Take March. Thirty-one days hath March.
In March, I was destined to be a single parent for sixteen days. Dating was not possible on those days.
Because children were sick or on vacation, more than sixteen days were actually devoted to parenting. That’s just fate. But let’s stick with the numbers—let’s assume I was available for fifteen evenings this month.
Of those, I give three nights per month over to orgies: two for the biweekly gatherings of my friends, one for the monthly male orgy I co-host with Jimmy.
I am down to twelve free nights.
On any given month, I host family or friends for three to four days. This is New York City—someone is always coming to town.
Holidays turn my apartment into a bed and breakfast. I have no privacy and no sex. It’s better in March. Still, I assume that in addition to time with the kids, I will be hosting for a few days a month.
I am down to nine free nights.
What impressed me about last Monday was not just how hot it was to have such a fine threesome. What impressed me was that I was free to engage in that because I was not otherwise committed. It was spontaneous.
I related this experience to my pal Jake, a single man who keeps a very active dating and sex schedule. He related that he reserves one night a week, at least, as a cushion to just chill and do whatever he likes.
Maybe that night results in sex, maybe it results in reading, maybe it results in getting his bathroom clean. That is his night to do whatever.
Wow, I thought. I need that. A regular night to myself.
I can’t possibly afford one night a week to myself. So let me reserve half of that per month. Once every two weeks, that is my night.
This gets me down to about seven free nights a month. Seven potential sleepovers.
This assuming that the children and I aren’t sick, or I don’t travel for work, or a friend doesn’t have a dinner party, or . . .
Can I maintain good relationships with multiple partners with so few free nights per month to offer?
Mitzi is a great person I am just getting to know. We would like more time as we get to know one another. Can that happen at a pace that suits her, with sleepovers being few and far between?
Consider Anna, who had clamored for a sleepover for a month. We finally had one scheduled for that very night.