Saturday, January 13, 2007

Candles

My birthday is four days away.

Frankly, readers, I’m underwhelmed by your response to my Amazon Wish List. I know, everyone is tapped out and exhausted from the holidays. But can I help it that my parents were so fond of sex in April? Am I to suffer for their long-ago Spring fling?

If you are so inclined, you can still send gifts my way. Better late than never, right? I’ve also set up an Amazon Honor System account that allows you to hurl dead presidents at Jefferson—even anonymously, if you so choose. You can do that via the button in my sidebar.

Now, with my birthday so close, my thoughts naturally turn to my annual birthday week of wall-to-wall sex. My friends and lovers have been coordinating schedules so that we can hit the ground fucking.

But as I think of how to share this week with you, readers, I must admit to being stymied.

First of all, there is the creative challenge. How do I make a week of wall-to-wall sex stand out in my life of wall-to-wall sex?

Then there is the question of timely reportage. It took me several months and twenty-one tales to relate my weekend at sex camp. If I try to do justice to a full week, I’ll still be talking about my birthday in August.

Finally, there is my life’s shifting cast of characters. I still need to give you back stories on some of the people I’ll be fucking next week. In fact, I’ve got stories waiting to be told that I would prefer not to bump in favor of birthday week.

As I said, it’s been a ponder.

Then, the other day, as I was having my cake and eating it, too, I had an epiphany.

I had been feted at a birthday orgy, where I celebrated my advancing years by fucking three women, blowing a couple of guys and getting a very fine blowjob from another fellow. As icing on the cake, I fucked beautiful Mmmmark, but good.

There was actually a cake, with sprinkles no less, lovingly baked and presented by the ever-so-sweet Callie.

As I blew out the cake’s single candle, surrounded by sexy naked people singing “Happy Birthday,” I mused on a slang term I once heard an old queen use. He referred to masturbation as “blowing out my own candle.”

Isn’t that an evocative expression?

Then, as I cut into the cake, it hit me. I realized how I would like to commemorate my forty-third year.

This month, I will get my dick sucked by forty-four different people.

That’s one person for every year of my life, plus one to grow on.

Now, you may think this would be a simple order to fill, but not so. I’m not seeking forty-four blowjobs. That would be too easy. I want blowjobs from forty-four separate individuals. Even I don’t have a retinue of forty-four cocksuckers.

Furthermore, I am off to a late start. January is half gone. I may allow myself a grace period of a few February days, but I would really like to pull this off in the month of my birth.

This is a very appealing idea to me for a couple of reasons. As you know, I went fifteen years without a blowjob during my marriage. That makes me very appreciative of good head.

But also, there are many people who subscribe to the notion that oral sex isn’t really sex. It follows that these people should be more than willing to blow me—I mean, why not? It’s not like it counts or anything.

To prepare for this undertaking, I took inventory and realized that since New Year’s Day, I have enjoyed blowjobs from thirteen cocksuckers—eight from women, five from men. That’s not at all a bad run, but if I am to pull this off, I really need to get cracking.

Readers, this is where I turn to you.

If you will be in the Tri-state area in the coming few weeks, I urge you to suck my dick.

If anyone you know will be in New York—friends, family, business associates, clergy—I urge you to encourage these people to suck my dick.

If you have already sucked my dick this month, I thank you—but I ask you to do more. Please, invite someone you know to suck my dick.

If you have not already sucked my dick this month, but you plan to do so, don’t hesitate—and please, bring a friend to suck my dick.

Readers, I believe that together, we can reach this goal. I know I will do my part. Will you?



Gag on My Cock









23 comments:

Asian Big Girl said...

Dude, *insert smart ass comment here how quantity might not equal quality, especially next to *my* blowjobs here*.

Wait, that counts as one.

Man, if ever there was a time I wanted to get special dispensation for something, this would be it....

Ok. And I have *so* revealed I am *so* catholic with *that* remark.... ;)

Anonymous said...

That's a damn sexy photo.

I got you a card... does that suffice?

Anonymous said...

Oh you are just too much, lol. I'm good for the month then. ;-)

But damn, you did fuck Mark good. That was some really hot shit!

But who says you have to give every last detail of your birthday week? Oh, you do. You set the rules, so you can break the rules...

Oy Vey said...

With all due respect, this is starting to come across as just a little desperate, and unsexy.

Jefferson said...

I thought you would like that photo, Alice. I liked the red hair, didn't you?

You can slide the card under my door. Just bend down by my door, close your eyes, and hold the card tight.

Avah, you are not off the hook just yet. But I'm glad you appreciated the show. Did I go too far in telling Mmmmark I wanted to live with him forever and always in a magical place?

AAG, you ain't just whistling Dixie about quality.

Oh, I wish I was in Dixie, hoo-ray, hoo-ray . . .

Jefferson said...

It may be unsexy, Oy, but I am desperately seeking thirty-one blowjobs.

Anonymous said...

Dear God- who wouldn't want to live with Mark forever in a fantasy land?!

I'm totally claiming a space in that room-sized bed!

jen said...

Oh...I would love to help. I never did get to suck your cock. The pretty boy never gave me a chance. Checking flights...

Jen

Anonymous said...

As long as football doesn't get in the way you can count me and the wife as one post-brunch. We're a package deal so might us count us as one.

Anonymous said...

My birthday is on the thirteenth of August.

How appropriate that I was one of the first thirteen to give you a birthday blowjob.

Anonymous said...

not unsexy at all, its a fun challenge and a hot way to celebrate a bday. cant believe you are 43, you seem so much younger.

Madeline Glass said...

Can I just say,

. . .um nope, sorry, I can't. Not without saying ew.

I mean, come on.

Everyone knows you don't wear a watch.

Good news is, you may not have to post stories ever again, if these comments keep rolling in.

Anonymous said...

I’ll still be talking about my birthday in August.

Like last year! Lol.

Viviane said...

Three.

Bianca said...

Well, that's just asking too much from me, unfortunately. There's absolutely no way I can make it to your city in time for your birthday blowjob bonanza.


However, I will take a raincheck for sometime in the summer.

Rufus Wainwright said...

Oh, hi, happy birthday, Jefferson! I'd come see you, but I'm in London.

Ciao, baby.

Anonymous said...

This does strike me as desperate - as pointedly asking for gifts is not something a southern gentleman would do. I still think your adorable.....as that photo is hot.

Happy Birthday.

Carrie said...

hope you have a good birthday! as much as I would love to suck your dick....i'm a little far to do that. hope you enjoy your multitude of blowjobs.
Carrie

Jefferson said...

Scarlet, much as it impinged on my sense of manners, I felt obliged to offer readers the opportunity to send me gifts. Some people really enjoy giving presents.

You know me--I'm a giver. How could I deny anyone that opportunity?

And yeah, I'm getting very favorable responses about that photo from Gag On My Cock.

And not a little drool on my thighs.

Marie said...

Jefferson, if I were closer than 1000 miles away, I would definitely line up to give one of your birthday blowjobs. Alas...

brunette babe said...

Seriously, 13 blowjobs in 2007 already? Suddenly I'm wondering what I've done with the year so far...

Good luck in your quest, I'm a little out of the tri-state area (New Zealand!). But I wish you a very happy birthday week!

Josh Jasper said...

Mmm. Mmmmark.

Mmmmore Mmmmark?

marcus said...

ok, this is a little weird, but...

i have never counted up the amount of blowjobs i've had in a period of time. but this post got me to thinking. so i pulled up my "client" file (i keep notes on my clients - you know: who fucked who, who sucked who, and who ate who's ass). this does not include blow jobs from friends and lovers - not from seamus, katie, or lydia, or the numerous people who sucked my dick at sex parties. anyway, i counted how many people had given me head since january 1. this comment is being posted in the third week in february, about five weeks after jefferson's original post. to date, i've got 32 clients who have sucked my cock. plus one who sucked my balls, but was careful to keep his mouth off of my dick.

just to let you know.