Fleshbot and Win/Win

This week’s Sex Blog Roundup at Fleshbot shines the klieg lights onto the red carpet to congratulate the winners of the Dirtyspoke 2006 Sex Blog Awards. Take a bow, friends!

(Really now, am I not the world’s most gracious loser?)

Speaking of winners, I think I’ve got an idea that just may put me in the lead for next year’s award. What if I had sex with all the 2006 winners, and then blogged it for 2007? There are only four of them; heck, I could knock that out in a weekend.

Let’s see, there’s Viviane . . . her? Had her.

Figleaf has been pining for a circle jerk . . . maybe I could invite him to join my Bukkake Social Club. That would take care of that lean, clean jerking machine.

Ilyana is a cinch. In advance of the competition, we entered into a friendly wager. If she won the contest, she would come to New York and she would fuck me. If she lost the contest, she would come to New York and I would fuck her. I’m not one to go back on a wager. Once we make good on our bet, I’m in the home stretch.

Chelsea Girl . . . damn, that’s a tough one. See, she’s in this committed relationship with a nice guy who is, incidentally, way hotter than me. Never mind that every time someone mentions having had sex with me, Chelsea makes that raspy sound in her throat, like a cat makes just before coughing up a hairball.

Damn, that’s not bloody likely, now is it? Never mind that by this point in our friendship, the thought of sex with Chelsea Girl is about as unsettling as the image of fucking one’s own sister.

Say, I wonder if Chelsea has a sister . . . ?

I’ll suss this out. Meanwhile, I’ll stick to my original plan of going about it the good old-fashioned way—by slutting myself to each and every one of the voters.

Next?

Oh, and speaking of voters, thanks to all those who cast your ballots for me, whether or not I’ve had a chance to get naked with you yet.

I would to extend a special word of thanks to the forty-four of you who made me a winner in my other undertaking this month. That’s right: together we achieved my goal of being blown by forty-four different people in the month of my birth—one for each year of my life, with one to grow on.

My friend Lily (who was gracious enough to participate and to bring a friend to assist) was so impressed by this accomplishment that she suggested I write a motivational book, to be entitled Forty-Four Blowjobs: How to Achieve Any Dream.

I don’t know if I’ll get around to that. But maybe this birthday blowjob bonanza will become a tradition. I mean, if forty-four blowjobs were this much fun, imagine the blast I’ll have when I hit ninety!

And the one to grow on? A Jersey girl. Can I call ‘em or what?

I’ll tell you all about that soon enough. But first, I’ve got to get Nicole out of my bedroom.

Dirtyspoke Awards

The results are in on the Dirtyspoke 2006 Sex Blog Awards!

Yours truly is an also-ran in the categories of Best Sex Blog and Best Male Sex Blog, but then again, yours truly is an also-fan of the winners—Best Sex Blog IlyanaLanai and Best Male Sex Blog Figleaf’s Real Adult Sex. Congrats, Sister Ilyana and Brother Figleaf!

Double congratulations to you, Ilyana, for being the oh-so-sexy Sexiest Sex Blogger. (Figleaf, don’t you never doubt your smoking hot ass. You’ve got my four-one-one, yo.)

Now, with the results in, I guess I’ll just return my rented tuxedo and borrowed jewels before heading home . . . but wait, what’s that? Best Group Sex Blog? Viviane’s Sex Carnival?

Yee-haw! That’s me in the second row, beaming as our doyenne Viviane accepts the award on behalf of her stalwarts. She’s gracious to do so, as we all know she does so much work and deserves so much credit. She makes a great deal happen for anyone concerned with sex blogs, especially those of us lucky enough to know her.

Maybe it’s the victory champagne going to my head, but I’m all verklempt to see Chelsea Girl win Best Female Sex Blog. Mind you, I’ll wipe my tears in time to focus on those pretty dumb things at the podium. Badunkadunk. Oh dang, her brain keeps interfering with the view.

Thanks again, Dirtyspoke, for conceiving the awards. If we’re not still kicking ass in 2007, come kick our asses.

Oh, and say, while you are over at Dirtyspoke, be sure to read coverage on Confessions from an Unmanageable Life, and to hear an excerpt read on Playboy Radio. Those Dirtyspoke gals, I tell you: they have their fingers on the pulse—the best of 2006 and the best of what emerges now.

Tick Tock

It’s January 31, and time is running out. I know you are on seat’s edge, wondering:

Will Jefferson reach his goal of forty-four blowjobs in the month of his birth?

Well, I am here to tell you that . . . I will soon be here to tell you.

For now, I’m reminding you that polls close at midnight tonight (EST) for the Dirtyspoke 2006 Sex Blog Awards. If you haven’t already done so, take a visit with all the nominees and cast your vote for your favorites in each category.




Kudos to Dirtyspoke for dreaming up a fine idea to draw attention to sex blogging.

The clock is ticking in anticipation of the answers to many burning questions . . .

Will Jefferson reach his goal of forty-four blowjobs in one month?

Will Jefferson win any awards, or will he go home empty handed to cry in his bourbon?

Will Nicole leave Jefferson’s bedroom with any virginities intact?

Stay tuned for the answers to these and many more questions on (cue music) One Life, Take Two.