Thursday, August 05, 2010

Feverish, Sad Drama

Two years ago today, Dacia immolated our friendship.

My ex wife had discovered my sex blog and was using it to sue for full custody of our children, claiming my sexuality put our children in immediate danger. Dacia was among the first friends I called with this news, hopeful that she would be familiar with resources that could help my impending legal battle. Dacia didn’t have any advice at hand, but offered to look into it. “I’m so sorry this is happening to you,” she said.

“Thanks,” I replied. “Me too.”

It was to be our final exchange. A few days later, Dacia launched a flame war against me in her blog. Dacia opined that the case wasn’t really about my sexuality. She hadn’t seen my ex’s motion, but she wondered: what if it was about something else, like alcoholism, maybe? Comments flowed into her blog, speculating about all manner of awful things that could be behind the case.

Tess and Dee watched with delight. Their gossip had been instrumental in fueling Dacia’s opinion, and their own voices, disguised behind various pseudonyms, kept her blog’s comments negative and flowing at a crisp pace. Tess and Dee saw great opportunities in encouraging gossip and speculation against me. For Dee, it was sweet vindication for her frustration that her love for me had proven unrequited. For Tess, it was an opportunity to promote herself by contributing to the downfall of a rival—in a rivalry of which I was fully unaware.

I’ve written about this at some length in this blog. At the request of those who want to follow the story in its entirety and to link it in their own blogs, I’ve complied the story at one site.

Feverish, Sad Drama

The site includes new chapters not published on this blog. These include revelations about the extraordinary efforts undertaken by Tess and Dee to accumulate fodder for their gossip—including, astonishingly, distributing correspondence hacked from a personal email account. Most of this draft focuses on Tess and Dee rather than Dacia—some stories need to be saved for the book, after all—but included is the story of how Dacia’s flame war was fueled, in part, by an ex boyfriend of hers who enjoyed pitting Dacia against her friends. Though Dacia was unaware of it, he played her, and he played her beautifully. Even he hadn’t anticipated that through his game, Dacia would behave with such ruthlessness.

As Dacia later wrote, the entire affair was a “feverish, sad drama” largely of her own creation. It showcased the worst behavior I’ve encountered online. Fortunately, it was limited to a small cohort—Dee, Tess and to a lesser extent, Dacia—who remain, to date, the only rotten apples I’ve encountered as a blogger. I’ve made great friends and lovers through this blog, for which I’m grateful. Blogging has been an overwhelming positive experience, and I’m glad to have this space in which to share my stories. Others who blog may take Feverish, Sad Drama as a cautionary tale—be very careful about your confidences. Some people are sharks.


Avah said...

Teetotaler? Psh. I've had like at least 5 drinks in my life. At least!

Molly Ren said...

This is like the story that won't die. No one comes out looking good in the telling of it. I always feel a little sick every time I see it mentioned--and I wasn't even involved in it!

Anonymous said...

It's funny; I tried to defend you when everything started basically commenting in a couple of posts that I did not believe you were a sociopath. That's all, but after I was attacked for not knowing you well enough and so on, I kept my comments to myself. Two years later, I would say I know you pretty well, and I would defend you again in much the same way.

Honestly, it doesn't matter if what they were writing or saying was true or false. They lost control and hurt many people in the process.

I saw a video on the news once of some girls who decided to beat the shit out of their friend because they were kind of mad at her and thought it would be fun. As I watched the blog posts about you unfold, I was reminded of this video and how quickly anger and hate can escalate into something uncontrollable.

Diner Nighthawk said...

I'm not certain that this is going to sound right, but I've put together bits and pieces of the story while I've read through your blog, but it's really awesome to see it all in one place. It's not that I'm entertained by your tribulations, but it's a very intriguing cautionary tale... especially for the bi male blogger.