Wednesday, February 24, 2010


January is the month of my birthday and each year, I celebrate by giving out orgasms. My goal is to give away one orgasm for each year of my life, plus one to grow on. This year, I hoped to give away forty-seven wet spots.

I wound up giving away two hundred and forty-six.

How disappointing to be one shy of two hundred over target! In truth, there were more orgasms delivered, but I misplaced a few: at an orgy I had the bright idea of marking my tally on my forearm with a pen, not realizing I used water-soluble ink. Those orgasms washed away in the hot tub.

Other than this mistake, I endeavored to make an honest accounting. Wisely, I asked my partners to keep track and report their own orgasms. This proved a learning experience, as I discovered a few things about my partners and really, the nature of orgasms.

One woman reported three-and-a-half orgasms; I rounded that down to three, as I wasn’t sure I could explain a half orgasm to skeptics. Still, if she reports it as such, who are we to doubt it?

After one man came, I thanked him for the orgasm. He replied that he had actually had three, but had only ejaculated on the final one. I occasionally have such multiple orgasms as well, though rarely. Apparently, in his case, they are common.

One woman is very vocal throughout intercourse, though in fact, infrequently orgasms from penetration. In having sex with her, I can’t always distinguish an orgasm from the general array of fireworks. Having her report helped me to understand what gets her over the edge.

Another, a partner for several years, revealed something I had not realized. I had assumed that her noisy and vibrant orgasms were of long duration, but in fact, she has multiple orgasms in quick succession. I had never realized that, as I had never thought to ask.

During the course of the month, a reader wrote to say that at age twenty-six, she has yet to experience an orgasm, either alone or with a partner. Therefore, though she gets pleasure from masturbation and sex, she doubts the existence of the female orgasm. Distance prevents us from further study on the matter.

As the orgasms began to pile up, I resolved that I wouldn’t do anything out of the ordinary in their pursuit. I didn’t stage an orgasm assembly line, for example, nor did I increase my number of dates or partners beyond the usual. I don’t typically track numbers, so I thought this could become a snapshot of a month in my current sex life.

My protégé Halo is a statistician. She pointed out that all this raw data could be represented graphically. I’ll avoid the obvious pun and go straight to the charts she so thoughtfully provided.

In January, I had sex with thirteen partners. Two were new to me and eleven were recurring. Three were men and ten were women. (NB: Due to an error in my reporting, the first column is inaccurate: it should indicate eleven recurring partners, not eight.)

The majority of my sexual encounters these days are with one partner per session. This month, thirteen percent of my sexual encounters were in group situations, defined as two or more partners in addition to myself. This does not reflect the percentage of orgasms per single or group situations; that data were not collected.

Of the two hundred and forty-six orgasms delivered in January, one hundred and twenty-six were claimed by my girlfriend smalls. There are three reasons for her taking nearly half of those given. One, we have sex frequently. Two, she has multiple orgasms. Three, I am sadistic enough to keep going even after she is exhausted—fortunately, she is piggy enough to favor pleasure to respite.

Along the way, I also had sex in Staten Island, filling a lamented gap in my sex map: I’ve now had sex in all five boroughs. Now I can focus on filling in states, nations and continents. I’m only missing two continents, actually. South America should be easy enough, but Antarctica?


Becky said...

Getting to Antarctica is easier than you might think! I worked there for several seasons as a baker, for instance.
You could apply for an arts grant from the NSF, who has a number of writers/painters/sculptors come down every year. You could apply for a job in the publications team, and leave the kids with Lucy for 6 months, which should cure her of her perceived desire to get full custody, if it wouldn't be too traumatic for the kids of course.
Or you can just take a cruise down to the Palmer Peninsula and have a quickie whilst penguin gazing.

Jefferson said...

Becky, you make Antarctica sound do-able. How are the croissants?

MsBehavn said...

Africa's also quite do-able ... And we have bourbon. Just saying!

Jefferson said...

Well, Africa's done and off the list. Though it did involve pyramids . . . I guess I should come back for something sub-Saharan.

Becky said...

Well, when I was there the croissants were excellent. The Sunday cinnamon buns were even better. The kitchen standards are high.
At the moment the way to get more info is to visit
Plenty of horny, kinky people on the Ice as well.

e jerry said...

I love multi-orgasmic men, myself. I Always feel so accomplished afterward.

I think it should be easy to develop a fetish for Antarctic research scientists, but I'm pretty much a man-whore.

Lily said...

Congratulations -- an impressive achievement. Love the graphics. Also, go smalls!

Smalls said...

Thanks, Lily! Oh, but really...Thank you Jefferson! :)