Not Hot

A lesson in subversive parenting.

Lillie: “Hey dad, hey dad!”

Dad: “Yes dear, I’m in here.”

Collie: “Don’t tell dad!”

Lillie: “Daa-aa-ad!”

Dad: “In here!”

Lillie: “Dad, Collie said ‘hot,’ and that’s not appropriate to my age!”

Dad: “Excuse me?”

Lillie: “Collie said ‘hot,’ and Mom says that’s not appropriate.”

Collie: “This doesn’t make sense. Do I need to get a dictionary? There are two meanings to the word ‘hot.’ One means sexy. The other means it is hot. It is not a bad word!”

Lillie: “It’s not appropriate to my age!”

Jason: “Oh brother.”

Dad: “I’m afraid I don’t follow. Did your mother say that you should not use the word ‘hot’ in front of your sister?”

Lillie: “Yes!”

Collie: “No!”

Jason: “She said that we should not use the word to mean sexy in front of Lillie.”

Lillie: “Because it’s not appropriate to my age!”

Collie: “I will get a dictionary if I have to!”

Dad: “I don’t think we need a dictionary. Collie, will you please not use the word ‘hot’ to mean sexy in front of your sister?”

Collie: “But . . .”

Dad: “I understand that the word is not a bad word, but you can see that it upsets her. Please don’t do things that upset her.”

Collie: “This is unfair!”

Dad: “Lillie, can Collie use a different word?”

Lillie: “Like what?”

Dad swings out a hip, kisses an index finger, and lightly touches it to his backside.

Dad: “Phssssssssst . . . . sizzlin’!”

Lillie laughs. Collie tries it. Lillie gives it a go. Jason and I join them.

We are no longer hot. We are sizzlin’.

Like bacon.